When I first caught wind of an actress taking her rich, famous, abusive husband to court, I was elated. This is what the #MeToo movement is all about- exposing the female prejudice that’s deeply rooted in our culture and hitting abusive men where it hurts: their reputation. However, I am shocked and appalled at the public reaction to Amber Heard taking a stand against Intimate Partner Violence. Imagine my shock when I realized that the men had one final trick up their sleeve. In a disgusting attempt to propagate his abuse, Johnny Depp has ordered his army of incel keyboard warriors to orchestrate a smear campaign against a feminist icon.
I’m sure this claim seems outrageous at first. Further investigation, however, has revealed the truth. Johnny Depp has exploited the media in a barbaric attempt to gaslight Amber. It’s disgraceful for Depp to pretend like a womxn having an extramarital relationship is not acceptable. I doubt he was able to satisfy Amber, so she naturally looked elsewhere. And her search ended when she met James Franco. Wow! He’s a looker. If I had the choice between James Franco and my husband, I’d move to Beverly Hills in a heartbeat. And since my husband isn’t an abusive piece of trash, he’d completely understand and wouldn’t sue me out of jealousy. You think that proves Depp’s guilt? We’ve only just begun investigating.
Take a look at the foundation of Depp’s testimony, where he claimed that his partner defecated on his bed. Is anyone actually taking this seriously? This is coming from the mouth of someone who has direct access to the bedroom in question. It would be extremely easy for Johnny to bribe (or blackmail!) an innocent person to poop on his behalf. And do you see ANY news organizations even considering this possibility? The answer is no. Yet another clear indication that a conspiracy has manipulated our headlines. Well, Mr. Depp, hear this. You have obviously underestimated the tenacity of a girlboss who’s had enough of your abuse. If Amber can beat Hollywood culture and become a massively popular activist, she can beat a spineless excuse for an actor. You think raising your hand at a powerful womxn will silence her? Think again.
I know, dear reader, that many questions are probably on your mind. Mainly “How can something like this happen in 2022? How can a critically acclaimed actress have her reputation dragged through the mud by some C-list celebrity?” Well, it’s evident that for all the progress the feminist movement has made in the past few years, men have not taken kindly to the concept of gender equality. This only goes to show that misogyny as an integral part of American culture. However, ladies, do not despair! Although it may be demoralizing that such a shameful display of anti-womxn sentiment goes unpunished, we must never give up. No matter how many men whine and cry, the future is clear. Feminism. Will. Win.